40th Birthday Musings & Thanksgiving Thoughts
I'm turning 40 tomorrow.
And I've found that that information is generally met with consoling looks and chagrined faces - an unspoken apology for the years I've endured and my inevitable midlife crisis. 🤣
But I'm not mourning the years that have passed. Maybe I'll have a breakdown when I turn 50 - who knows? But for now, I'm welcoming this next year with nothing but gratitude and love.
(And yep, this post is full mush, so proceed at your own risk.) 😁
Because the thing is...another year on this earth to seek out my life's mission, to explore the world around me, and to connect more deeply with those I love...what better blessing is there?
I mean honestly? Name a single one.
Even in the hard times (and Lord knows these are some hard times we've found ourselves in) it's all about the 30,000 foot view, because as the age-old wisdom goes: 'This, too shall pass.' All of it. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the difficult, it's all incredibly fleeting - so feel it. Hang on to it. Embrace it.
However, I've been having a hard time putting this sentiment into words - especially when faced with it unexpectedly. How can I explain that aging doesn't need to feel like a slow form of torture? How can I share my perspective so that maybe you can see beyond the next hard moment and zoom out into a more peaceful place?
So I decided to write a little about the experience, because no matter how many people give me pitying looks, I refuse to bend myself into an emotional pretzel over something that feels to me like an enormous gift, and I wanted to spread this idea around a little so that maybe you too can feel better about circling the sun once again.
I hope you'll indulge me since I know this blog is mostly about design, but I've been an on-again-off-again amateur poet over the years, and it's something I rarely share with the world - this just happens to be your lucky day. 🙈
But damn it, y'all need to hear this 😅 because our culture has become obsessed with the beauty of youth, and we seem to have forgotten all the incredible things that only come with aging. Beautiful things that can't be bought or earned any other way like wisdom, and unshakeable faith.
Not to mention the gift of having yet another year to be alive.
Talk about Thanks-giving. 🙏🙏🙏
The gratitude I feel this year overwhelms me, especially because there were some dark days in my past when I felt like facing another year was unbearable - a curse, or even a punishment.
But I've learned that if you wait, the sun always rises again.
So if you're feeling a little sentimental or blue yourself, maybe this poem will help you see things in a new light - one that hopefully inspires love and real appreciation for the beautifully haunting scars we all bear - the ones that mean we really lived.
I Want To Age Like Brass
By Amy Vartenuk
I want to age like brass - my bright flame dimming to night-sky embers, season by season, year by decade
While the march of time drives each day forward to a horizon not seen, and loving hands use and dent and polish my soul
Darkening with each year, not in despair, but in depth and variegation of pinky bronze and forested greens
A dusky mirror that reflects the embrace of service, of patience, of purpose
I want to be filled with useful things that pour out to feed the hungry vessels who surround me
And add to my iridescent wine-dark seas with each libation that soothes the invisible parts of us all
The deepest depths of perfect pain, solemn honor, and the brightest shine - each a facet of my whole
My life story a heartbreaking, romantic patina worn on my smile, felt in my muscles, bumping with my heartsong
A masterpiece conjured by the thousands of soft touches, pivotal moments, and careless brushes that texturize and tenderize me
So that I may be complete - replete - drenched in meaning, memories, endless moments earned with fortitude
To sit on the shelf one day, content to wear the burnished radiance of my one, only self, and glow from within.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I know it's off topic so thank you for reading, because I love writing you these messages each week. 😘
I'm saying a little prayer of thanks for you, and wishing you and your loved ones the most gratitude-filled, memory-making holiday ever!
Much Love,
Amy 😊
